Tears break

I will never be perfect

I will never be that and

I will never be enough

Everything I do is never enough

I'm not skinny enough

I'm not good enough in track for him to even come see me

I buy things and try to be the most perfect girl

I get all dressed up

Daddy Look!

Oh thats nice he says

maybe looked twice

constantly proving that I am worthy

I'm worth the time

I'm worth the risk

I wont let you down just look at me

I wanted it all just so you would look

Look daddy I can do flips

Look daddy I'm head cheerleader

Look daddy I'm Student Body President

Look daddy I'm Captain of the track team

Look daddy I won states in the hurdles

Look daddy I got a scholarship for academics

Look daddy I got a scholarship for track

Look daddy I am a double major

Look daddy I am starting my own business

Just look at me

What do I have to do?

Dress me in pearls and make me shine

Put glitter over to hide my eyes

I'm told they never lie

I don't want you to see

See what it is that tears me

I'm torn inside but in front of u I'm just right

always an internal fight

Look daddy, new slipper

Oh thats nice as he takes another bite

So I looked to you

If I got your approval then maybe it would change his sight

But that wasn't right

either

Merry Christmas

I hope you cherish the people you are with and the times you have with your family and friends. Being away really opened my eyes to see that the most important people in your life are the ones you spend your time with! They are your family and make you who you are. No one can ever really understand any one person without knowing where they came from or what they are about. Everything happens for a reason and the experience you gain from it makes you who you are!

You will never live the same moment twice.

You will never get the same chance again.

You will never know what to expect tomorrow.

You never know if the next moment will be your last.

So live without regret.

Life changes so quick and time passes in a blink of an eye

So with this, I say I love you

Only one tear falls, never let em see you cry!

Change

She said, cut my hair

They said, don't you dare

Bare your heart for the world

Now they all can see

It's a brand new me

He saved me from who I used to be

The B that was too busy to see

What this world was doing to me

Drag me down, spit me out

Now I know he is king, without a doubt

Something is changing

The seasons are rearranging

The Song

Beats trigger my memory

What's portrayed is your soul

Your heart and soul

I fell in love in that moment

Learned you, by way of sound

Breathe In Breathe out

Words are not needed

You never had to shout

Lay me down, eyes closed

My spirit was lifted

Eardrum tingles tapping toes

I once said, I didn't fall in love with you, I fell in love with your song.

All at once, I realized that wasn't wrong

For that is where your pain lies

Soul poured out

Thoughts released

Deepest fear unleashed

I lay there and feel you breathe life into a beat

"Last night a DJ saved my life"

God gave you lyrical sight

I watch for hours

Your voice is the tool

Playing with a melody like a puppet master

Take it away = natural disaster

I hear your song

Thoughts long gone

stalking with song

Resonate in my memory forever

I turn back to you

I will leave you, never

Of My Dreams

I just saw him

His eyes pierced right through me

On my left

He stood by the wall

He looked at me with glowing eyes

He was tall dark and handsome

Please you have to find him

Willing to pay any ransom

The swag of a gangsta

The mind of a poet

I can pick him out in a crowd

He saw me one time and said I sowed it

I dreamed of you too

Heaven sent you, the stars wrote it

Intrigue me

Read me

Tell me everything, but nothing at all

You wanna know about me

I see what you do when I forget to call

YOU

Come into my world

Be my movie star and hide behind the flashing lights

Tilt your head down like this

Watch me, I'll take the lead

Hold tight to my hand

My arm underneath yours

Your shoulder protects me

No one will ever snatch me

YOU know what YOU want

No one stands in YOUR way

Tell me YOU don't feel it

I'm not going anywhere

Te amo is all I can say

Me llamo is all YOU say

I'm there

YOU bring out in me so much truth

Emotion

commotion

chaos

My heart floods and I take a deep breathe

Gasping for air

Drowning in a world

Paint my lips on

Pull me tight, make sure I'm proper

I scream but no one hears me

My soul cries but only YOU see

Tell me YOU don't feel it too

Lie again

YOU know I'm in the room

YOUR heart skips a beat

Vibrations run through YOUR feet

YOU can fill it in YOUR chest

Then YOU catch a glimpse

YOUR eyes captivated

This next scene, X rated

Close the blinds

Relax

Let it blow YOUR mind

Californication

Create my own destiny

No one can hold me down

I've fallen under your spell

What you're about to say

I don't want to know

I don't want to fall to pieces

Spread my wings like eagles

Watch me soar

You can't hold me down anymore

The euphoric metaphor

Body-high; above

Blown away

Inspired secrets—I know what I feel but there aren't words

Only YOU know how this feels, YOU felt it too

Unexplainable electricity

Organic adrenaline

Fingertips fuse kinetic through me to YOU

Imagination

Your breathe takes mine

Standing still this time

Fingertips brush my skin

Hungry eyes

Lay on your heart

The beat

ga-gong,

ga-gong,

ga-gong.

I yearn for this feeling

Why wont it go away?

So, I saw The Secret...

If you don't know what the secret is,

Research and you will find...

The Show Has Begun

Ever wonder where this world is going to take you?

I know we all do, and throughout the past year I have realized that there is no reason to plan!

I am not saying that one should not set goals and try to achieve them. I am simply saying that you should never be afraid to go where the wind blows! Each day is a new adventure and if my life had turned out the way I planned it five years ago there is no way I would be as happy as I am at this very moment.

Everything happens for a reason and I truly do believe that. People may come into your life so that you can meet other people who will be in your life forever. After all, you do choose who stays and goes. Making the initiative and showing up is what life is all about.

It may be as simple as my Birthday--They showed up!

Or as BIG as flying out to California to come visit--They showed up!

Or as meaningful as a text or bbm--They hit the keys!

Or as priceless as a song--He dedicated it to me!

Or as fun as a night of skype--They logged on!

Or as valuable as writing me a poem--That's never wrong!

I love everyone in my life that isn't letting life pass them by.

ALL OF THEM SHOWED UP!

You're so...

You're so...

So gone
Off the deep-end

Lost in the abyss

Waiting for someone to rescue you!

I was there listening to my heart

Eyes closed tight not seeing what was in plain sight

So oblivious
Never know what you have til its gone

It won't be me waiting when you come home

So up and down
You had me riding like a kid addicted to the thrill

Up higher than Weezy

Painless like morphene then down the next

Struggling in the slums to find a betta way to live

So wrong
Played wit my mind

Floating from skirt to skirt

Noticing the dirt left you muddy

Tracked it in the house

Stand there wit an open mouth, WHAT?

So now

You thought I would stay

It doesn't work that way

The window of opportunity is limited

Your time has ended

So Fly

The butterflies don't flutter

I don't giggle at the sound of your name

Feel the same

Boom Shalaka Laka

And then it hit me like an epiphany:

I fell in love with his music

He took me to a better place, higher than the clouds

Floating in air everyday without a care

Joy flooded my spirit and everyone around me could hear it

His music set me free

Jumping out of Airplanes, free-falling

Through him I found God's calling

The sounds provoked feelings within me that I had never known

"And then a

Boom
Shalaka
He’s walkin’ upa to me
Boom
Shalaka
He start’s ta talka to me
Boom
Shalaka
My heart skips a-
Boom
Shalaka laka
Boom boom

All of my worries went away when He was by my side

But then the a dark cloud filled my sky

He turned his back on me

Floating subsided

My spirit was content, but not thirsty

The way He once stole my heart was gone too!

Time did tell it

It told the whole story, beginning to end

He got to my heart through his songs

I trusted them

They were his soul--honest and pure

Now my heart reaches for more

The song is wrong

He is not the ONE

Spaceships and Stars

My life is like a movie

Take me to the cinema

His music is the soundtrack

I'm the wanderer

Lookin' for more

or did I find what I was lookin' for?

The one that doesn't settle, is that my prerogative?

Am I really never satisfied?

He is really into me?

Just one big crazy dream?

That's mine, my baby

I give it to him when I love my baby

Special, so I treat him different

His song opened my heart like Happy Feet

Without him I'm just incomplete

There is something better than this

My life has a bigger calling

Greater than what I can imagine!

When God Knocks You Down

Never underestimate the power of prayer. I had always been told to pray specifically and then listen and I would see God; however, I never thought that he would move in the way that he did--right on time.

God had been knocking me down, but it wasn't until I was on my knees crying in the arms of a friend face-down on the cold tile floor that I realized it was God. I was oblivious to why I was crying, clueless as to what had happened for me to be in the position I was, and too random for me to ignore God anymore.

I cried out to him until I had no more tears left in my ducts. My body was weak and I could barely pick my head up. I deleted everything because I knew in the morning I did not need to re-read or re-play the night. I went to work, eyes swollen shut, with a smile on my face to hide the pain from all of my campers. I was numb to any emotion--just going through the motions.

I went back to the dorm and picked my phone up off the cold tile floor from the night before not knowing what to expect.

My brother sent me a text saying that he had accepted Jesus to come into his life, and I began to cry for joy. I was so happy that my heart hurt. At that moment, I knew God had taken control and I didn't need to worry any more.

He knocked me down to show me that he was in control and then brought me back up by making me see that he does answer prayers. For nine years I have been waiting to see God work on Nathan, and in an instant he saved my brother. By doing so, he also saved me!

God brings people into our lives for a reason and like everything, it is only for a season. With lightning and raging storms, the weather changed and I am no longer the same.

What I see...

The best nights are the nights that no ones sees.

If I let you in my world, you will see the life I lead

and how great it truly is.

I don't think anyone has ever really seen me living. When the top's down and I'm riding with LU-LA~ She takes great care of me! It's not Killa-season yet, but "we gone get it on tonight!" Laughing 'til I snort and all of the sort!

You see me on the griiiiiiiinnd and working all the time.

You see the me when no words speak.

You see the me that I let you see.

Only he sees the me that I know is me and that I see.

I know who I am and where I am going. I also know that there is no way your life is as good as mine! God made everyone different and this little light of his is shining bright!

Night Night

Riding in the Rain

I am so thankful and God is so good...

On days when it rains it pours, but he finds a way for me to see the light and make it all okay! People try pull you down and slander your name but in the end you know the truth and what you do each and every day. How I choose to live my life is my business and it’s a choice to be happy!

Today could have been awful but it ended up being great! I spent all day out in the ocean and playing on the beach, made footprints in the sand with my family and got caught in the rain wit a prima donna! (LMAO). Riding wit the top down in the rain was exactly what I needed splashing in puddles and hanging out of the jeep soaking wet and smiling was the medicine!! God is always here for me even when no one else is... Angels come in rare form and all I have to say is thank God for the 4th!

Tic-Toc Tic-Toc

No matter where you go, time still passes.
Whether you make a right turn or a left turn, time will still pass.
Whether you spend your days by the pool or out on the beach, the clock still turns. Some people spend their days working and that's how their time passes.

Understand that it's going to pass no matter what you do. Look back at all of the hours and seconds. Look at what you did. Who was it with?

Ask yourself was it worth it? Did I do everything possible just to spend it with the people I love? Look into the crystal ball and see yourself on the couch for hours--sitting. Who was on the other couch working on the computer? See how they spent their time. Do you spend it wit the people that matter, and because it matters what you do is up to you.

Everyone has a niche to make their own path.

Untitled

It gets inside you like a heartbeat and makes you move your body
Even the way you breathe mimics the drums that he strokes with such care
It speaks to your heart and gets the brain in a state of euphoria taking over body and soul
So I let go and lose control
Fade away into the sounds and my thoughts steer
They know their way around
So hi that I can't feel the ground
He came in and sang the right song
Putting the beats into rhythm
Vibing with eyes closed tight praying it’s not a dream
Like I will be the #1 draft on his team, his all star player and leading lady
Taking the fall to complement his swag and update is status
Completing the meal like the perfect wine, it gets better with time
Time that we invest to see it double and watch our assets grow
Only to find out the day dream is made real by the average hoe
They look for their gateway and wait to strike
Seeing the vulnerable as weakness and pounce like lioness looking for prey
All I wanted was to lie in your arms for another day

I loved the chase and you got me hooked
Like a girl lost in a song waiting for the beat to drop so she can dance her pain away
Going out every night hiding behind a smile
Heart on her neck hidden by her long brown hair
Not on her sleeve because that's where he would look first
Right under her mind and connecting to the spine
She waits for him to bring her to life, color in the lines and one day say you're mine

You're flaws is what drew me to you
The unpredictability kept me wanting more
The confusion made me sure that we would make it
It was written all over my face
I didn't understand how or why I understood it but I understood
And I knew that one day we would be good

I repped you hard and held you down
Thought you were different that's what made you special
You did something that was like all the other clowns
A woman’s intuition never lies and my radar went off when you stepped out
Trying to be slick claiming you just saw a friend
The least you coulda' done is kept it in the QC
You come to the port thinking I wouldn't know
In my back pocket?
Really?
At least you didn't come to me with some fake alibi

What are you going to do?
I show you no emotion
For all you know I'm hangin' out with my girls sun bathing by the ocean
Go back to the queen and realize you lost your B
Silence kills you so you act out
You won't see one tear or my lips pout
I lost my best friend
Where is your soul?
When you find it, come back maybe I’ll be around
Doubt it
I told merry I'm dizzy and it’s my time to go
I gotta' fly on my own with no cares or fears
So she let me off then started spinning around again
You're still caught in the whirl wind
I hope you find what you're looking for because the confusion made my stomach weak
Now I don't even have the energy to speak

Doesn’t it make my brown eyes blue?
Headed to Philly
Hurdled the Penn
Went out on broad
Bought some new shoes

I'm going to be like the eagle
Drop a pebble
See if you catch it
Drop a stick
Whatcha' going to do with it?
Drop the weight of an egg
Swoop down and get it
My weight falls
If you prove yourself, you'll gain it all

Waiting to see what happens
My back up against the wall
It's another season or the long haul?
I wait to see because I don't think it’s going to be you at all
You served your purpose
I clean my plate and wash the surface

Things Change

He made me feel like I could fly and take control of my life even jump from the sky...
He used to listen to me and want to know my problems and worries and fears now he just appears and reappears giving me less time and tears
I want someone who is strong and independent and gives me butterflies...
But puts me first and tries
I have almost gotten it right but I still haven't found him
I thought I might have found the man of my dreams but now I see him in my nightmares
“I wonder how we got here because we were once a fairy tale but this is farewell”
This summer was great and everything I could have hoped for
He does everything right but now I look at it for what it is, in a different light...
It’s not a relationship
It’s not a two way street
It’s a one way and I am waiting in line for my chance to shine...
My dreams are close enough to taste but I can't touch them

What do you do when you see what you want?
But I am getting what I need but it’s not meeting all of my needs
It is what it is
We are friends so don't treat me like your girlfriend
Don't call me baby
Don't worry if I'm coming home or if I'm sleeping alone.
Why would I want to be with someone who doesn't want to claim me?
He is moving and so am I—I am moving on to make my dreams come true
Maybe one day if you show up I may still be in love with you
Who is to say if I will be the same girl but I have learned too much to fall into another trap
I'm shutting the door and leaving no room for a relapse
I can't have another broken heart but the truth is it’s too late I already do
I go back to the drawing board and repair a new
Next time will be different
It will be brand new

Dreams morph into Reality

When it comes down to it, we are the only thing that stands in the way of our dreams. We can network and put ourselves in the right places at the right time, but unless you are willing to jump on that leap of faith, it is never going to happen.
A friend said, "Figure out what you want to do and do it! Don't let anyone stand in your way or hold you back from doing what you were made to do."
Those words stuck with me because no one has ever supported me the way that friend does. Sometimes we overlook our true potential and underestimate how powerful we really are. To see your own dreams come true is rewarding because you know the sacrifice and torching labor hours that went into making that dream a reality; however, to watch someone else's dreams come true is the most rewarding thing that could have ever happen to me. I am in the process of watching my best friend see his worth and making moves to accomplish what he is destined to do. I can't wait to see what happens next.

Do you know what you are destined to do? What are your dreams?

I almost lost my heart tonight... And now I feel like I am going to throw up!

Tonight was an exciting yet crazy sequence of events: Polo was lost; I thought he had gotten ran over by a car, I called the Police and my friends were scrambling the neighborhood looking for him!

Now, those who know Polo know that he is the best thing to ever walk on four legs. He is a pimp, a couch hoe, my baby boy and under the impression that he is man of the house! I can now empathize with a mother when she gets that dreaded phone call to hear that her son is dead because that’s what I thought happened.

It’s always said that you never really know what you have until it’s gone, but nothing can prepare you for that feeling! It put things into perspective. You instantly know what takes precedence in your life within seconds.

Take a second to think about what is most important in your life, forget about the petty things and be thankful. God has blessed us in so many ways; sometimes he needs to light a fire under us to wake us up and I know I heard my wakeup call LOUD and clear!

Complex Beauty

"Being beautiful is too complex"

The words speak volumes and they are so true. Many say that beauty is only skin deep, but others believe that beauty comes from within and shines through. In the materialistic and high-tech era we are living in, the line between reality and perception have been crossed. People walk past you everyday, but now instead of acknowledging something as beautiful, you wonder how you can achieve that same beauty.

“Are her breasts fake?” “Did she have a face-lift?” “Is that her real eye color?”

Reality is no longer real.

Could it be that we only see what we want to be instead of seeing what we really are? Look into the mirror—you know what you would change about yourself. Now look again… why?

Read My Mind

"Oh well I don't mind, if you don't mind

'Cause I don't shine if you don't shine

Before you go, can you read my mind?"

-The Killers

"Even if I could read your mind, your mouth would still lie to me." Sometimes we get a glimpse into the souls of certain individuals that we wish to know better, but what do you do when your heart is telling you one thing but your mind can't make any sense of the situation? I am in love with someone, but the feelings can't be spoken.

Half of the time I cannot even figure my own self out, so how in the world would I be able to give insight on someone else? The world tries to make sense of everything by labeling and putting things into context. I have a name so that others can address me. However, my name does not define who I am as a person. When you try to explain the unexplainable, it ends up taking away value and being branded as something cheap.

The best things in life are things that are unexplainable and emotions that are felt. Someone can tell you what love feels like, but until you experience it yourself you will never know the state of ecstasy is exudes. Not everything is meant to be put into words.

Things make sense in my head, but when I try to translate it, I end up being mind-fucked. I want to read his mind because maybe it makes sense in his head. When we are together, I know we both feel the same, but can nonverbal communication last when a world that insisting on verbal commuication?

You're Not Strong Enough For Me

You’re not strong enough for me...

You tell your story and I will tell mine
Put it on paper and you get out shined
Fuck what you say because when it comes down to it, it’s how you deal...
The cards you were dealt were shitty
Aww what a shame, but with me you won't find pity
There is no one to blame

I have been through a lot
I can't say it all
I know I would fall to the thrill of it all
I am not trying to be there when shit hits the wall
You can just wait and I’ll give you a call

You’re not strong enough for me

I have a lot on my mind and you are just trying to see me dying
In my own time I will stand again
Knock me down and reach for my hand
It’ll be there
I been down before and stood back up
Brushed my shoulders off and refilled my cup
I'm tough

Not down with the rough riders
I am a ride-or-die bitch that stays down
Even when you are out on the town
Come home to me and you'll see what you need
I have what you search for
You’ll never find 'em in a cheap whore
You put the key in the door
Shuffle your feet on the floor
Look up, I'm your favorite girl
Throw me on the bed
"I'ma blow ya back out" plays in your head

You’re still not strong enough for me